Falling Into You

I've just returned from a business trip in Indianapolis, IN. A town that I didn't expect to see as much from as I got. A beautiful downtown that springs up out of flat farm land that surronds it. If you're on Foursquare, friend me and find out where I happen to be either in my hometown or across the country! @Sushia

My return home was as expected, a flight through Philadelphia Airport is never on time and we sat in taxi on the jetway for 30 mins causing us to miss our connecting flight in Buffalo which also provided a fun hangout in terminal C with my coworkers, living and eating off our per diem. My actual arrival in Buffalo was also expected, I picked up my luggage, picked up the shuttle to my car and and drove myself home. There was no fanfare, there were no tears and there were no hi how are you or hugs of welcome home.

Mostly while away I don't get phone calls or text messages either, facebook has it's usual activty or maybe a tad bit more as I check into different places. But in almost a year of monthly traveling I've gotten use to the lack of show upon my return.

This morning is how I usually spend my day off, with just a little twist. Aside from having to get blood drawn for my annual blood work I enjoyed breakfast at Panera this morning followed by my routine laundry and sitting in Coffee Culture.

The one thing that this job has given me is a sense of how much I really am on my own and how confident I really need to be in myself within that life. Before I would never go into a coffee shop or mall by myself to take care of my needs, never before would I want to hang out on the street just taking in the world around me. At least by myself.

As I approach my thirtieth birthday I've come to learn and accept that parts of my life will be spent alone and I need to learn and adapt that I do not need all or should have certain parts of my life alone. Friends will be there for you when you need them, but you need to let them know you need them there. Maybe that is another lesson that I need to learn, the act of letting people know that you need them there. I often expect that disapointments in life and with people, mostly based upon the experiances in my childhood that continue to this day with my family.

I am however comfortable with the level of one-ness that I have in my life. That should be one thing that I focus on in this season, as the tempatures cool and trees begin to let their leaves go I too should drop those old anxieties of being alone.