Reinvent, Rebirth, Escape

Reinvent: –verb (used with object) 1. to invent again or anew, especially without knowing that the invention already exists. 2. to remake or make over, as in a different form: At 60, he reinvented himself as a volunteer. We have an opportunity to reinvent government. 3. to bring back; revive: to reinvent trust and accountability.

It's said that you can't reinvent the wheel, but can you reinvent a person? I would think the art of reinvention would be similar to the art of copying. The fault would lie with the original. There are habits, acts, traits that we pick up, learn and develop as we grow and no matter how good a copy cat could you reenact those and no matter how hard you try could you lose them either. The best actor in the world couldn't be on stage all the time and even when acting these traits still come through.

I attempted to reinvent myself and did somewhat when I moved out of state for school. I didn't pretend I was from somewhere else but I did let the shroud slip off and opened myself to experiences that I would never of had if I had stayed in Buffalo. I do also believe this also happen to all children as they grow up and go to college. I however also went from being an introverted frumpy boy to a darling Glamazon beauty.

In a conversation the other night with Volcano Todd he said that I, in looking to fill my void is looking for a "rebirth" and it's made be think about how true it is. I know I've talked about rebirth before and my connection to the phoenix but is that rebirth just a cloaked form of reinvention? To read some of the phoenix mythology is appears to be. I've also blogged the desire for a hero and have been told I first need to be a hero to myself yet I cannot seem to save myself.

So where does that leave me, a damsel in distress with no hero to save her and not the strength or will to save herself? Destruction?

I do have that tendency within myself, a great self destruction tendency. Drink to hard, party to fast, seek and destroy anything meaningful. So when will I push myself to far? When will the party for beyond my limits? When will the hunt go wrong and I lose my prey forever?

Or maybe like an animal that has been beaten past it's limits I will just lie down and take some more. But that could be the old limits and walls falling back into place, pushing back and discarding the emotion as it has been unworthy of expression and being held onto.