novelty

Novelty per Merriam Webster means 1)something new or unusual, 2)the quality or state of being novel : newness
, 3) a small manufactured article intended mainly for personal or household adornment —usually used in plural, 4) something (as a song or food item) that provides often fleeting amusement and is often based on a theme —often used attributively.

More often then not I feel like a novelty. Something that is new or unusual that people are drawn to and then more then usually fade away from. I feel like more often then I am novel to the people that I encounter. I'm good enough to be dealt with in short bursts.

I often contribute Sushia to being a doll ( I wish like Dollhouse) but a doll nonetheless, "an article intended mainly for personal or household adornment". I'm sure this comes back to my early experience, when I was known as Versi (Versailles). My first stage presence, but not my first drag name. Which if I recall correctly has been explained previously in Intro. Looking back I realize that I didn't explain my first drag name was Morgana Frost, daughter of my true drag mother Destiny Forever. Upon leaving Buffalo for RI I briefly became Versailles Serenity and then just Versi.

In my youth I was a very attractive and very convincing female impersonator. Twice at the bar at which I had been performing I was mistaken for a female. It may have occurred more then once but they were the most notable. One was girl in the audience who had been apparently watching the newcomers show regularly and wondered why a girl would get up there week and week to perform and the other was from a little hottie I call "Shot Boy Greg". He was a young college student, straight that walked around in his undies. He one day asked me why I hung out there all the time and I replied, "Oh I work here" and he walked away, then he came back a few times until we finally discussed more and become friends of sorts.

Most men are not like that, most men treated me as an object of value, a treasure. Then men are usually like pirates, someone that wants to take, consume and spend his treasure or wants to imprison or discard of it.

During this phase I had many sexual encounters, all meaningless and never repeated. My motto of the time was "no names, no numbers, no seconds". The fact that I made so many conquests like this has further enabled my thoughts on being a novelty. Many of the people I had slept with me because I was "exotic", being of an ethnic origin and then being a drag queen or tranny. Many of these people wanted the experience but didn't want anything further and drunk on attention and pleasure I indulged.

Being who I am today I do not get nearly as much attention, especially of the sexual sort. Which I am not truly minding as I would rather have a connection to a person, a loving relationship, loving, meaningful sexual encounter. Which is a lot to ask for. But coming from a point a where I was sexual desire to now where I am nothing is a bit hard.

Ultimately this comes down to being alone and the desire to not be alone. The one reason for feeling so alone is because you feel that your novelty has run off, people are no longer interested in dealing with you or are only interested in dealing with you to a certain level.

When does someone accept their own or continue to deny their own reality.