So I haven been in a bit of crisis lately, I have had my third failed attempt to get out of my current department at work. This time notably not even making it to the interview because my hours are not "acceptable for the market". This being the case as I am still working on going back to school.
For that piece of the puzzle I just need to pay the last part of tuition that is due. Which is now late and if not paid possibly remove me from enrollment this fall.
However within the past few weeks, with these declines for applications I have somehow lost my own value more then I had before. The fact that I cannot advance my career or at least adjust my career to allow for greater development in school has depressed me. Maybe it's because I'm trying to make this change in the middle of a recession which in the future will probably be called a depression. Maybe it's because I was foolish to leave a company and only return to it six months later.
This time of depression, loss of credit has come on top of a loss of faith, a loss of spirit, a loss of connection. I no longer feel one or connected to the planet, I only see the weakness and destruction of the human species around me.
So when and how can I replenish my own balances. I guess I had stocked my accounts high on "peace" and "love" and on "healing energies" and am unsure if I let them deplete or maybe just stopped filing them but here and now, when I need those practices the most I am lost to them and don't feel that they hold any power for me.
Where do I stand, where will go, where am I headed?
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