28 on 28

So my life has had some recent tragedies, not directly I will say with some shamed relief but two of my friend's have lost a parent within a week of each other. One somewhat expected and waiting the other was much more unexpected due to the quickness of the illness befalling the person but then once diagnosed the outcome was expected, just not so soon.
While at working giving a sympathy card to one of out coworkers I said "I must be growing up." because you know when your an adult when your friend's start losing their parents and pretty much replied "True.".
So what is this new life of mine? I should stop for a moment to admit that I am currently on a stay-cation(a vacation where one does not go anywhere) and that I am in the week of my 28th Birthday. A milestone, a marker, my champagne birthday as I turn 28 on the 28th this month. In the moment of realizing age, alone I have made mental notes of actions and thoughts that I have taken. Fearing 30 being one of them and what I have and have not achieved. Holding myself accountable for what I have not done will always be a challenge for me to overcome. But today was another milestone, an interesting moment of something that I do not normally do.
Today I had lunch by myself. Yes, as simple, as small as it may seem eating in public alone, with a book in an open space is not something that I have done in the past with any comfort and today, in my moment of self before an scheduled but canceled event I took my current reading, The Swan Thieves and went to Wegmans. Wegmans for anyone not familiar is a grocery store but also "market" where they have prepared meals of all variates ready to eat and cafe seating. So I today I took my book after a smalling meeting with a friend and got myself a sandwich, chips and a coffee to sit down and read. After a period of time I ended up making some calls as well but I enjoyed the sense of being with the world but still apart from it at the moment.
After my enjoyable lunch with myself I've done something that I haven't done for quite some time, and maybe b/c there is no lure to the area like there once was in RI and MASS. I went for a drive to clear my thoughts, get caught up in my thoughts and to bury them.
In my drive as with past drives I retroflect on previous events and last night's conversation was one. With a man that I admire. New to this person and any sort of socialization with them it was an interesting moment to be out of the crowd, just the two of us. Strangers but friends. After a long passionate talk about one of his interest the conversation turns to me and my names. "Do I prefer to be addressed as my given name or nickname?" and after stumbling on my words I made one of the frankest answers I could have and it went along the lines of "You don't know me well enough for it to matter and frankly everyone only knows a side of me...I will answer to both" which I ended up getting a clinking of glasses, a cheers to. I guess I was frank b/c of the time of night, early but late for two people that after attending a Catholic service in the morning, after drinking with the family all afternoon were know having their last drinks of the night. In retroflect I am Sushia now more then I was ever before and I also stated I guess I am really trying to figure out how to present Sushia to the world.
So here I am, on the verge of 28, a milestone for myself. Pieces of my life in ruins, other pieces being pieced back together. Long ago could I no really call myself a child but still here I am with my childish hopes, thoughts and dreams and yet I don't feel that I can quite call myself an adult.