R-E-S-P-E-C-T

o) What you want
(oo) Baby, I got
(oo) What you need
(oo) Do you know I got it?
(oo) All I'm askin'
(oo) Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
Ain't gonna do you wrong (oo) 'cause I don't wanna (oo)
All I'm askin' (oo)
Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my propers
When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)

------ instrumental break ------

Ooo, your kisses (oo)
Sweeter than honey (oo)
And guess what? (oo)
So is my money (oo)
All I want you to do (oo) for me
Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re)
Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)
Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit)
When you get home, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB

Just a little bit. So in this last few days it has turned out that my older brother will be having gall bladder surgery, something that his younger sister has already had and apparently his father. In this respect I have been calm, normal, casual, he's only in his 40s and fairly healthy so he will be fine. Our mother on the other hand is not, worrying as usual. This event, along with the death of my mother's ex husband who was only a month younger then her has brought the subject of mortality to my present. Although at the age of 26, and having a fear of abandonment, issues with abandonment it has made me releaze that I will one day be without the family I grew up with, although in some respects I don't have them now.
In this mindset I have come to accept and must now deal with the fact that I don't love myself enough or respect myself enough and that I look to create bad relationships but in ultimate face not have relationships at all (b/c I dont deserve it) This is part of my frame of mind that states, if you don't hurt yourself first, someone else will. Why would I allow someone to hurt me when I can just as easily hurt myself. For the most part, this could be an over reactment of myself. We of course have no idea who will hurt, how they will hurt us or IF they will hurt us and at the same time I know I'm, should I say "tender" to the actions of others. B/C of my issues with abandonment I am more aware, over aware of what is going on and keep setting myself up for failure, in life, in love, in work and in finances but in this acceptance I must now work on these flaws, these issues, these concerns to overcome my habit, my hobby of self destruction and arise to become a newer, better person as has been my mission for the last 3 years but in this New Dawn I am more and more aware of what I need and more and more aware of how I let it not happen.
This, this my friends is the scary moment, the time that I stop and face the fact that I am alone and at the same time not as I am embraced by the universe of healing and love. One step for Man but a Giant Leap for Self Awareness Kind.