Fantasy

There is a moment in time that I hate most, the time when a crush comes to it's end. The dying emotions that burn out into the ash. I've been down lately, unsure of it's cause. Could have been holidays, could have been the mid winter freezing snow, could have been the pending emotions.

I've discussed previously about my inability to find love and repeated habit of finding people that have no interest in me. In this regard I've become a bit of a master in the ability to break my own heart. Each time it becomes a little harder and each time I try harder. The one reason it becomes harder each time is because for that time the crush exists you feel that warm, loving sensation. That feeling of course if just a fantasy. Each time I go through this I'm aware of the lie I'm telling myself, I'm not that stupid. I always like to say "I wish I was as dumb as I pretend to be." That's one of the things I like about performing, when you get a truly hot or emotional song, for those few short minutes on stage you live, feel and become the emotion people are watching and then it's over.

One thought that crossed my mine within the last hour is that I have to remember villians don't have champions, they are defeated by them. I can always hope that I am the villian that gets to redeem themselves by making the final sacrafice for the greater good of the world. Walk back into my world (and heart) of ice and snow and let spring time come to those around me.