Stiff Upper Lip

I don't understand the expression "stiff upper lip" . Usually when I am hiding behind the floodgates, keeping unwanted emotions to be expressed my lower lip quivers.

My mood today increasingly started to crash. From a drive to get stamps and possibly another card to wanting to have a drink to calling a friend who just complained about everyone to avoiding the liqueur store to going to the grocery store and running into some friends there.

This short but well conversation and a simple expression of depressed state to (curtains open) the SHOW and just like that the switched flipped. The turn of the face, the many persona came. No one wants to talk to Sad Sally so the pity party ended early and the playful, fun loving face hit the stage. You can see eyes instantly light up when that occurs, people enjoy fun loving Diva. One who makes the world come to their knees, the seductress, the charmer.

This is the face that I most love to put forward but I also think it is the most lonely face. Free and fun loving can only get you so far and I think most people think that you are strong enough to get through anything. But we are people too, prick and we bleed, hurt us and we cry.

This is the face I most commonly refer to as "Sushia" and the sad self loathing, down in the world face is the one I most commonly refer to as "David" and in these two faces are were I get lost. Not knowing which is the real face? Which one do I use as a shield to guard the other? Which one am I more comfortable in?

These are some of the questions that are out there and the questions that will be answered in my Hero's Quest. As I learn, grow, develop and love more.