Domesticated

So I came to a conclusion this past week, after a bad drunken night. Of course a bad drunken night has to lead to a new conclusion. Would I not be me if that weren't the case?

Well anyways I discovered that I well A- (and yes I'm owning up to it) I want Love. B- I want to be domestic. I realized that more then anything else I want a loving partner that I want to cook for, create a home for and be connected with. I want someone to break me in.

I guess there is always the one, the one that takes the first step to break the beast in. The men that domesticated the wolf and made it into the dog, the men turned bovine into cow, broke the stallion into a horse, etc. But is there the one that can turn Sushia into docile fish, one person willing to deal with the crap.

I often don't think so, more often then not do I feel this way. The venomous bite is often to harsh for anyone with brains to want to deal with repeatedly. But why, why do I continually last out at the one thing that I know I desire most? Why do I not allow myself to have that connection? Is it b/c I don't believe in it? Have I really become so disconnected that I can't allow myself to connect?

I do go back to one thought, that a whore is a whore, not a wife. I grew up a good kid but of course when I went away I went a little wild. In that wildness did I end up destroying myself? Have I corrupted myself so much that I can't be a lover in love but a satisfy-er of desires? Can I be the pin up but not the wife? Can I be reformed or is that not the reality of it?