Welcome!

Who am I you might ask, well I am Sushia! Former ruler of Atlantis, the Queen of the Ocean, Ruler of the Tides, Mistress of the Deep, Glamazonian Sea Goddess and aside from all that I am an entrepreneur, community volunteer and activist.

Enclosed you will find my tales of my life in Buffalo, NY. A city that like others hate and love very deeply.



Friday, November 14, 2008

Yes this is true ’cause what I do, no one can do it better: Hurting Myself

Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy)
And you don't care what they say
See, every time you turn around
They scream your name

[Verse 1]
Now I've got a confession
When I was young I wanted attention
And I promised myself that I'd do anything
Anything at all for them to notice me

[Bridge]
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see when I was younger I would say

[Chorus]
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

[Hook x2]
But be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it
But you just might get it
But You just might get it

[Verse 2]
They used to tell me I was silly
Until I popped up on the TV
I always wanted to be a superstar
And knew that singing songs would get me this far

[Bridge]
But I ain't complaining
We all wanna be famous
So go ahead and say what you wanna say
You know what it's like to be nameless
Want them to know what your name is
'Cause see, when I was younger I would say

[Chorus]
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

[Hook x2]
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

[Verse]
I see them staring at me
Oh I'm a trendsetter
Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better
You can talk about me
'Cause I'm a hot topic
I see you watching me, watching me, and I know you want it

[Chorus]
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

[Chorus]
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

[Hook x2]
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

[Chorus]
When I grow up
I wanna be famous
I wanna be a star
I wanna be in movies

When I grow up
I wanna see the world
Drive nice cars
I wanna have groupies

When I grow up
Be on TV
People know me
Be on magazines

When I grow up
Fresh and clean
Number one chick when I step out on the scene

[Hook x2]
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it
You just might get it
You just might get it

**********************************************************

Cast a stone into the wishing well, wish upon a shooting star, gaze into the looking glass....we all wish for something. To be taller, to be thinner, to be popular, to be a better athelete, the list goes on and on. As we grow up we still ask for wishes but we now call them hopes, wants, desires and sometime under the romantic title of dreams. We want to win the lotto, get a better job, get a raise, less traffic on the way to the office. Throughout all of our lives we wish, we hope, we pray and in the desire to have we, we hope it comes true. We also say that some people have all the luck and other's say if it wasn't for bad luck, they would have no luck at all. My mother likes to say that about me.
My mother and I had spent the morning together, we drove down what was hoped to be a good block sale but it was nothing to stop for, except to dodge traffic on a street that should not of had two way traffic AND a block sale. So we passed that on and went straight to the farmer's market. After spending a morning there with Keri and being filled with that intoxicating romance of it, I asked my mother to go this week, we found a few things, I got 3 bottles of wine, without having to trek out the wineries to get them (thank the gods) I got cheese curd and some other stuff and then she and I went to the more familiar market in north tonawanda, we got some veggies there and pretty much called it a day, until we went to Wegmans later which worked out b/c we both needed stuff you can't get at the market. In this drive we discussed family drama, had a call for family drama, I got a call from an old friend, which in review now wondered why I bothered returning the call as it was an apparently empty point of contact for that person and with that is the first cut into my emotionally shelled self. Which I didn't realize the little jab till just now. My mother had gotten into a semi agrument with my sister and in her talking it pointed out that she holds and resents alot of stuff against my mother and in my mother's opinion it never happened. I too hold stuff against my mother and my family, their past actions, their current actions has shaped me into who I am and how I react and I keep analyzing these acts and want to stop them. I am working on the not holding onto things part, and with that come acceptance and release but there are still those little points of actions that occur, the snap of the tongue, the clinch of the teeth, the pursing of the lips into a fake (barbi) smile. This is taking more work but I am working on it.
So when will I be famous, how do I balance the two worlds of socialite and person, I dont think both can exist on one plain. Can I be fabulous and over the top and centered at the same time??? YES I CAN (just came to me too) I am an amazing, wonderful, great, fantastic person that deserves alot, alot from myself and some from other people. Only I hold myself back and I can't do that.So yes, Yes this is true 'cause what I do, no one can do it better: and that is hurting myself. I am a champion at hurting myself, b/c if I can do it first then the other person can't and in doing this, I push alot of people away hurting myself more and that is going to stop. The only person hurting myself the most is me and I know it and I will be as miserable as my parents, as my siblings, as some people I know filling their lives with empty voids that only hide what needs to be done and I am NOT letting that happen. I deserve love, I accept love...from both myself and others and I deserve the real stuff.....no knock offs.

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